Possibly one of the most significant moments in the life of an individual belonging to the LGBTQIA+ community is coming out of the closet for the first time. It is an extremely personal experience, which is a big moment of self-acceptance. The journey to coming out is often not an easy one, but at the end of the road lies liberation and freedom.
If you have ever had anyone come out to you, you must realize that it is a big step for them - the fear of being rejected becomes all too real for them. However, once it is out in the open, the mental and emotional exhaustion being lifted is difficult to miss. In this article, let's take a detailed look into what coming out really means.
What it Means to 'Come Out of the Closet'
Coming out of the closet, which is called coming out in short, refers to when a person belonging to the LGBTQIA+ community reveals their sexual and/or gender identity. The term comes into play because we live in a heteronormative society, which means that the norm is to be heterosexual. Anyone who deviates from the norm is expected to come out and reveal their identity to others. To keep their identity hidden is called being 'in the closet.' Coming out is not a one-time process but rather a lifelong process. In every new situation, a person has to make the decision to come out to the people around. Depending on the attitudes of the people and whether they will be accepted for it or not, they need to choose what to do.
Coming out is not just about making your identity known to those around you - it also involves the journey of self-acceptance and coming to terms with your sexuality. But what makes it so difficult to do so?
There are many reasons why people belonging to the LGBTQIA+ community struggle to come out. To simplify this understanding, we can divide these into internal and external reasons. Let's take a look at these.
Internalized Homophobia, Identity Confusion, and Dissociation
Coming out is a very difficult experience because, from childhood, children are exposed to beliefs about homosexuality being wrong. This belief can be credited to the fact that we live in a heteronormative society. What this often leads to is internalized homophobia, which means that you internalize homophobic ideas and biases in your head. Thus begins the identity confusion - when the information in the head and the actions of a person don't match, it is bound to cause them confusion about who they really are. There are two ways to get over this confusion: either to change the way you think or to hide your identity and repress it.
More than often, people dissociate from their identity. They tune out aspects of their personality that don't match with the ideas in their head related to homosexuality being wrong. As a result, their self-esteem takes a hit, and hiding their true self causes huge amounts of stress. They remain in denial or confusion about their identity until they finally accept their identity and move forward. Getting over this internal battle is a big step towards living as your true self.
Fear of Rejection and the Importance of Community
Human beings are social animals - our whole identity is defined by the people around us. So when aspects of one's self fall far from the expectations of society and loved ones, it can cause a lot of stress. Discrimination, homophobia, and transphobia are real problems that people from the community often face in their everyday lives. For example, coming out in the workplace can cause worries about discrimination, harassment, or even job loss. Despite legal protections in some countries, biases and prejudices can still create a hostile work environment.
Cultural and societal norms significantly influence the coming out process. In more progressive societies, where LGBTQ+ rights are recognized and protected, individuals may feel safer and more encouraged to come out. Conversely, in regions where homosexuality or gender nonconformity is criminalized or heavily stigmatized, the risks associated with coming out are much higher. The good thing is that societal attitudes towards LGBTQ+ individuals are slowly changing, with increased visibility and representation in media, politics, and other spheres.
Having social support in the process of accepting your identity can be helpful. Unfortunately, coming out is not a smooth experience for many, and not even is fortunate to have a supportive network of people around them. They may face rejection from their family and friends, as well as other people around them. This makes the process of coming out even more daunting.
For many, finding a community of like-minded individuals provides a sanctuary where they can express themselves freely and without judgment. LGBTQ+ organizations and online communities can provide essential resources and a much-needed sense of belonging.
Tips for Coming Out of the Closet
In the above sections, we talked about the challenges associated with coming out, of both internal and external nature. However, once that is through, coming out can be a very liberating experience. More than often, it is very emotionally charged, and it can be difficult to figure out how to do it - what is the right way, when to do it, who to tell, and so on. Let's find answers to some of these questions below.
Do it at your own pace
It can be intimidating to come out, so it is important to remember to do it in a way that doesn't make you feel uncomfortable. This experience is supposed to be something you do for yourself, so make sure you do it your way. Take your time to figure out how you want to express yourself, choose a moment when you feel ready emotionally, and opt for a safe setting where you can have a conversation.
Unfortunately, not everyone may be on board with the idea of you 'coming out,' so it is important to be prepared to handle mixed reactions. Prepare yourself for the possibility of negative reactions. Try to remain calm and composed, even if the response is not what you hoped for, and try to explain your part to the best of your abilities.
Remember, there is no right way to do it. The only rule for coming out is that it should feel right to you, and that's it! Coming out is a significant and brave step. Recognize your courage and the progress you've made.
Decide who you want to tell carefully
While it is important to let people know of your identity, choose who you want to tell wisely. For example, if you think there is a chance that your parents, who you are financially dependent on, may withdraw their support if you come out to them, it may be a good idea to delay telling them until you become financially dependent. You don't have to tell everyone at once, and you definitely don't have to tell everyone.
A good way would be to start off by telling people who are close to you who you think will have a favorable reaction. Such experiences will give you the confidence to have the more difficult conversations while also ensuring you will have some social support to fall back on if needed.
Don't be afraid to seek help
If you are struggling to deal with the whole process and are not sure what to do, it is okay to seek support. This support can come from other people from the community, allies, or even mental health professionals who can help you deal with the stress and anxiety that comes along with coming out.
Therapy can be an invaluable resource during the coming out process. A supportive therapist can provide a safe and non-judgmental space to explore your feelings, build resilience, and develop strategies for navigating this significant life change. Talking with a therapist who's trained to work with LGBTQ+ people may help with issues such as difficulty accepting your sexual orientation, gender dysphoria, low self-esteem, thoughts of self-harm or suicidal thoughts, and navigating the fear of rejection.
Takeaway
Coming out of the closet is a courageous step that requires confronting societal norms, internalized prejudices, and the fear of rejection. Yet, the reward is a life lived with authenticity, self-acceptance, and empowerment. The journey to coming out is deeply personal and should be approached with compassion and understanding. Whether you are considering coming out yourself or supporting someone who is, remember that patience, empathy, and love are the cornerstones of this process.
Solh Wellness can be your companion for when you need a helping hand. Explore a range of self help resources, including educational content. Connect with a like-minded community that understands you through our support groups, share your experiences, and get advice from those who may have dealt with similar problems. You can also look for inclusive and queer-affirmative mental health professionals who can provide a space for you.
