Have you ever been in an awkward situation? You must have been!
We all have gone through certain experiences in our life that left us embarrassed because of the awkwardness. As part of maintaining relationships with others or with all those around us, we all end up oversharing from time to time.
But, if you often end up in awkward situations and think, am I oversharing? Then, probably, it is time to reflect and think about it.
What is Oversharing?
Oversharing is the act of talking about your life in an exhaustive way so that nothing remains personal. You might think that sharing and talking about yourself means being authentic. But there is a clear line between authenticity and oversharing. Being authentic means accepting yourself and unapologetically being you. That does not imply you need to overshare.
Why are You Oversharing ?
1. You are overwhelmed
It is easy to end up accidentally sharing too much during a moment of high stress, anxiety, or overwhelm.
Sometimes, this can be the only way to seek others' support, validation, or empathy.
2. Social Anxiety
Many of us who experience social anxiety may over-share out of nervousness or due to not quickly understanding how to continue the conversation. If we have social anxiety, we might also end up ruminating on and replaying these moments of oversharing later on.
3. Poor Boundaries
If we struggle with boundaries,we might overshare—often almost involuntarily—to try to connect with others.
Developing healthy boundaries can help you stay mindful of what to share and with whom.
4. Self Esteem issues
Many people who struggle with self-esteem or self-worth might engage in oversharing to seek validation from the people they are communicating with.
5. You might be neurodivergent
Especially with those with ADHD, verbal impulses might make us over-share even if we didn't intend to, while some autistic people might struggle with social rules related to what is and isn't oversharing. Both ADHDers and autistic people might 'infodump' about their fixation or special interests out of excitement, which can be perceived as oversharing by others.
6. You might struggle with trust
This might seem counterintuitive, but sometimes, when we struggle to trust other people, we might overshare as a test to see how others react. You might also overshare to premature 'force' emotional closeness, honesty, or vulnerability.
7. You want to be understood
If you struggle with feeling misunderstood or if you are fearful that others won't understand you,you might overshare your experiences in the hope that this will help others better understand your perspective. While it is perfectly fine to let people know certain things about yourself, it is good to learn the extent to which one can reveal something and to whom.
8. You are human
Everyone overshares sometimes, which is not automatically a sign that something is wrong with you. Sometimes, sharing a lot at once is also perfectly fine and not considered oversharing, especially among close friends. If you end up oversharing all the time, it can be worth reflecting on it, but the occasional oversharing is perfectly normal and human. We all crave conversations to feel connected.
How to put a Pause on Oversharing
1. Strike a Balance
A key to a good conversation is give-and-take. If you find yourself talking too much and have very little clue or knowledge about the individual with whom you are conversing, then you are probably oversharing. Try and ask questions like what have you been doing? What are your thoughts? Please make an effort to know their interests and thoughts.
2. Pause
When someone presents a question, you do not have to answer it immediately. Take a moment to think about what you want to say and share. Evaluating your response can prevent you from rambling.
3. Official setups
Reread your emails and evaluate. When asking for a day off, your boss doesn't really need to know the details of your relationship with other family members. After you finish writing, take a break and revisit to analyze the contents of your email. Viewing things with a fresh eye will help you understand what is necessary and what is not.
4. Trigger analysis
Do you often find silence awkward and say the first thing that pops up in your head? Do you feel nervous in social situations or maybe upset when in a fight with someone close? These could be a few triggers for you to overshare. When in such a situation, turn into an active listener, focus on what they are asking, and answer only what is being asked.
5. Be Mindful
Being mindful of yourself and what you speak can help you stop oversharing, redirect your focus on what is happening around you right now, and live in the present. You will be able to drive your attention towards things that really need attention and save yourself from sharing long essays and stories.
We've all been at that awkward moment when you get too particular, and the listener cringes. Although everyone does it to an extent, over-disclosure pushes boundaries and can affect how vulnerable we feel in our chosen relationships. People who overshare are usually craving a real connection. We do it to connect, develop close bonds, and be seen in a way. Other times, however, this may be a reaction to emotional overload. Whether out of anxiety or just simply a distaste for silence, we open our mouths and words come spilling out that might have been left unsaid. Social cues also play a role. Unfortunately, social norms around disclosure can be misread by those of us with poor Theory-of-Mind gauges at the best of times (the socially anxious and or neurodivergent among all) - making for a double-whammy-filled minefield to navigate. But we need to remember that we are just humans and to overshare at times, is normal.
Practicing self-control demands patience and consistent effort. It is not a single-day achievement but a long-term dedication to self-improvement and growth. As we develop the ability to exercise self-control and start to make thoughtful decisions, we can eventually improve our ability to perform and function.
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