Anger is one of the basic emotions found among all individuals in any part of the world. In other words, it is a human emotion that is completely normal and healthy. Anger leads to a complete exhaustion of the physical as well as mental state of an individual. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings amongst individuals.
Once the emotion of anger is felt, it is reflected in our behaviour. It is better to express anger because any suppression of anger leads to further physical or psychological problems.
A very common and natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. It is a natural, adaptive response to any kind of threat that inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviours. It also allows us to fight or defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival.
While, we cannot express our anger simply by being destructive or annoying others, as our moral conscience, social norms, and laws delimit us. Thus, although the emotion is strongly felt, we try to find out different ways which may be a conscious or an unconscious method to reflect or deal with it.
Why it is Important to Deal with Anger?
Basically there are three ways which the individuals use to deal with anger–expressing, suppressing, or calming. Assertiveness is of great use while dealing with anger. Assertiveness involves being respectful to others and yourself. Expressing: Expressing anger in the correct manner is very important.
Suppressing is a process in which the individual tries to temporarily block/ suppress, then convert or redirect the angry feelings. When anger is felt, the individual stops thinking about it and changes his/her focus to something positive/ relaxing.
This helps an individual in suppressing and then converting the feelings of anger in positive ideas and reflecting them in more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if outward expression isn’t allowed, the anger can turn inward—on the individual itself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.
Calming is one of the ways in which an individual tries to control his/her overt as well as covert behaviour, which means to have complete control over self when the emotion of anger is felt.
The individual tries to calm down the inner responses as well by using relaxation techniques (like counting numbers from 1 to 10) and letting go of the negative feelings and also behaves in a well-controlled way.
Now a question may arise to your mind: what about those who never express anger nor use any of the above-mentioned ways to deal with it? The answer is that expression is significantly related to the process of sensation and feelings; that is, once an individual senses any positive or negative stimulus, the individual accordingly feels positive or negative towards the stimulus. There comes the essential role of expression/behaviour.
The individual may express his/her lovingness or hatred towards the stimulus. As far as the feeling of anger is concerned, unexpressed anger can lead to several irrational and psychological problems.
It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behaviour (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile.
People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven’t learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren’t likely to have many successful relationships.
Dynamics of Anger
It is interesting to know that anger as an emotion is felt due to several underlying forces or reasons. Some of the underlying forces behind anger can be pointed out as follows:
• Anger is often felt when we think of something we desired but did not get at the childhood stage.
• Usually, when we are exhausted, stressed out, and our body resources are down, the tendency to feel angry is high.
• When we are angry, we lack the power of logical reasoning. In other words, we are rarely ever angry for the reasons we think.
• We often become angry towards an individual who possesses a trait which we cannot tolerate even within ourselves.
• Astonishingly, the anger felt today may be a result of old disappointments, traumas, and triggers.
• Past events may act as a trigger for generating the emotion of anger. For example, at times, we get angry because we were hurt as a child.
• We get angry when a current event brings up an old unresolved situation from the past.
• The emotion of anger upsurges or increases at a situation which has similar content, words or energy that was felt by us before.
Significance of Anger Management
Managing anger is important for an individual because it more likely impairs sound judgment, damages interpersonal relationships, blocks achievement and success and also creates a negative impact on the way people see you. Some of the significance of anger management can be pointed out as follows:
• Anger Management can help us in having a sound physical health: A high level of anger state leads to continuous stress and tension which has an adverse effect on our physical health.
• Anger Management can help us in having a positive mental health: Anger management is a positive way which can help us to focus, make choices, concentrate lookat facts and figures, see Anger and Stress Management, see Crisis Intervention in the bigger picture, and enjoy life. Thus, it helps us in preventing psychological disorders like depression, hypertension and other mental health problems.
• Anger Management can help us in having positive interpersonal relationships: Explosive anger leads to conflicts, differences, hatred, and lack of trust amongst individuals.Anger management helps in the outlet of the emotion in a constructive way which can create a positive and healthy interpersonal relationship anywhere (at home, at work place, amongst friends and so on).
Ways of Anger Management
You should be aware that it is better to deal with situations well in advance, which may later create problems and lead to maladjustment. This fact is equally applicable to anger. As discussed earlier, if the emotion of anger goes beyond control then the individual may suffer from various physical, physiological as well as psychological problems at later stages. So now the question arises – how to deal with anger well in advance?
At an earlier stage, if you feel angry towards some event, person or object, certain ways help you control or express your anger in the most constructive or healthiest way. Some the ways or methods can be discussed as follows:
1. Follow the traffic rules: Yes! The way you follow the traffic rules while driving can be equally applied to real-life situations. The red light of the traffic signal says- stop. If you are in a situation where you feel that your level of anger is going out of control anger, first of all stop the thoughts that are coming to your mind instantly. Inhibiting thoughts at this stage will help you to apply your logic.
Now, try to find out why you think you should be so angry. Or why is your fuse so short? At times we imitate the ways in which we have learnt from our elders ever since our childhood. If we observed others in our family screaming, hitting each other, or throwing things, then the lesson that we might have learnt is that this is how anger is supposed to be expressed.
Traumatic events and high levels of stress can make us more susceptible to anger as well. Now when you have applied your rational thinking, your body changes like increased heartbeat, sweating, and breathing have slowly reached back to normal condition. This is the state of the yellow light of the traffic signal, which says- get ready. Now, with your full senses under your control, you are ready to face the situation, which is similar to the green light of the traffic signal, which says to go and face the situation in the smoothest way.
2. Control your act and then react: Anger might not always result from an unfavourable situation, person or object. At times, frustration, unmet needs, embarrassment, insecurity, hurt, shame, or vulnerability might be the underlying factors that might have generated the feelings of anger within you. In order to express anger in appropriate ways, it is necessary for you to realize and accept the real feelings and immediately deal with it. It is always better to face reality instead of reacting merely on the basis of assumptions.
3. Avoid situations which provide warning signals: Even before you are aware of your reaction, the body starts reflecting certain warning signs. As discussed earlier also, like emotional feelings, anger is also a requisite.
Psychological Therapies component for us. It fuels the “fight or flight” system of our body and, therefore, prepares us to either confront the situation or avoid/move away from the situation.
If you ever have another chance to face a similar distasteful or unpleasant situation or a negative thought towards some person, object or event that made you angry, then it is better that you avoid or stay away from such situations. It is because the angrier you get, the more your body gets exhausted. Becoming aware of triggers of anger in yourself can help a great deal in dealing with your anger before it is out of control. Certain stressful events that trigger anger can also be identified.
Diary writing is one of the best ways to keep track of your regular routine and try to identify activities, times of day, people, places, or situations that trigger irritable or angry feelings. Maybe you get into a fight every time you go out with a certain group of friends. Or it may be the traffic that you face daily while going or coming from your office which drives you crazy. These are nothing but the triggers that you need to be aware of and you have to think about ways to avoid these triggers or view the situation differently so it does not make you feel angry.
4. Follow relaxation techniques: If you confront a situation that generates anger, you need to recognize these warning signs and anticipate your triggers; then, you can act quickly to deal with your anger even before it spins out of control. There are many techniques that can help you keep your anger in check and help you to unwind and relax, like:
5. Technique of deep breathing: Once you are taking a deep breath in and out, you have to very slowly utter words or phrases like “relax,” “take it easy” and then imagine or visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination. Meditation and yoga can also help one to calm down . Daily practice will automatically help you to repeat the process whenever you are in a tense situation.
6. Technique of senses: We feel any stimulus only when our senses are stimulated. Keeping this in mind one can use the senses of sight, smell, hearing, touch, and taste for relaxation. For example, listening to music or picturing yourself in a favourite place can help you feel comfortable.
7. Techniques of massage and exercise: A gentle massage on the area which you feel is getting tensed helps you to relax for example, roll your shoulders if you feel it is getting tensed or simply massage your neck and scalp. Simple exercises or even a morning walk helps in releasing constrained energy or blocked ideas so you can approach the situation with a cooler head.
8. Techniques of counting: This is the best technique that can be used when you are in a “fight or flight” situation. Count from one to ten when you have started feeling angry. A focus on counting helps the mind to understand and control feelings. If you still feel out of control by the time you reach ten, start counting again.
9. Cognitive Restructuring: Cognitive restructuring means changing the process or way of thinking. When anger goes beyond control, people behave in a very aggressive, exaggerated and overly dramatic way. This all happens because the positive thoughts are blocked somewhere in mind at this juncture and an individual is guided by negative thoughts. When such a sequence occurs, one should try to replace these thoughts with more rational ones. For instance, instead of telling yourself, “Oh, how could this happen to me? It is awful, it’s terrible, everything’s ruined,” you should tell yourself, “ I am aware that the situation is frustrating, but it is not the end of the world and if I get angry it is not going to help”.
Once you start thinking about the positive aspects, you will realize that adverse reactions are in no way going to solve the present problem. Rather, there may be another way to find a more acceptable solution.
Further, applying logical reasoning, positive and rational thinking helps you to get a more balanced perspective. Remind yourself that the world is “not out to get you,” you are just experiencing some of the rough phases of your life. You should repeat these thoughts whenever you are angry and you can deal with your own anger in the best possible way.
It is clear from the above techniques or methods, that anger can be handled and responded to in a more healthy way. The after-effect of the anger depends upon how effectively it is communicated or channelled. No doubt, anger can be a tremendous source of energy and inspiration for change. Anger should be managed in such a way that it does not hamper relationship, priority and main focus of the individual. Rather one should have an attitude of ‘forgive’ and ‘forget’. Rather one should have an attitude of ‘forgive’ and ‘forget’. Also, one should think before speaking, because effective communication can win any situation.
Controlling Anger Through External Help
If you find that, despite putting the previous anger management techniques into practice, you are unable to handle the situation, and you are getting yourself into trouble, then you need external help. Seeking help from outside does not mean that you are weak; rather, it shows your willingness to face it. Some of the ways of external help to deal with anger are as follows:
• Therapies: Getting help through professions such as psychology can help you to undergo therapy sessions. Therapies help in finding out the reasons behind an individual’s anger and identify triggers that lead to anger.
• Training Classes: The individual can attend workshops and training classes in order to learn effective skills and techniques for managing anger.
Solh understands. We offer a variety of features to help you with anger.
Journaling for Self-Reflection: Sometimes, being anger might be overwhelming. Solh's journaling feature allows you to explore your thoughts and feelings in a safe space. By reflecting on your experiences and desires, you can gain clarity on how to manage anger in the classroom.
Anonymous Support Groups: You are not alone. Solh's anonymous support groups connect you with others who understand the struggle of managing anger in the classroom. Share your experiences, find comfort in solidarity, and discover new perspectives on overcoming the hurdle to indulge in self care.
Solh Buddy: Feeling lost or disconnected? Your Solh Buddy, a personalized virtual companion, is here to provide encouragement and support along the way. It can offer prompts, celebrate your victories, and remind you of your strengths as you navigate the journey towards self care.
Talk now: Sometimes anger can make you feel overwhelmed. Solh’s talk now feature gives you access to dedicated counselors to help you navigate such situations.
Solh believes in a unique approach introducing Anger management. We empower you to take charge of your well-being by offering a variety of tools. Explore Solh today and discover the power of self-reflection, connection, and support in overcoming any problem of the mind. You are not alone on this path.
